Writing again, in public, for the Nth time — but better
A return to writing-in-public: why I write, how I’m practising and building a gentler process, and what “better” means this time.
Field notes:
💫 Dec 2, 2025
Why do I want to write? What stories do I want to tell?
The only person you can truly understand 24/7 in your entire lifetime is yourself. And even so, just like with the universe, there are parts of ourselves we can never truly comprehend. But that is not our goal.
Our goal is to discover, learn, and uncover fragments of The Universe - the one within you, also interconnected to the one out there - and let it inform where you want to explore next, and who you are at each point of discovery.
Earth’s ocean covers 70% of its surface, but only 27.3% of the global sea floor has been mapped, and explorers have seen less than 0.001% of the deep ocean sea floor. The ocean will never be fully explored in this lifetime, and in our little speck of galaxy in the greater outer space, the entirety of the universe can never be fully explored.
Yet, for whatever reasons, all the same - as above, so below; as within, so without - the curious and courageous will seek to venture deep, as far as they can into The Great Unknown, uncovering whatever treasures hidden to be found… for reasons and innate motivations known only to their own individual knowing.
Credit: European Space Agency via GIPHY
🌱 Jan 7, 2026
It’s not that I’m courageous that propels me toward the unknown at various stages in my life.
It’s a very specific inner knowing, be it the inextricable pull, or the soft but persistent whispers of nudging deep within; that I have to move forward. Be it a radical leap, or step-by-step, as the bridge forms brick by brick when I forge on ahead.
Because somewhere, somehow, I have outgrown my shell of old comforts and joy.
That there are new Homes for me to experience and uncover.
That there is more to my life than where I used to have the tendency to settle into for far too long (I am growing better at being aware of this).
That’s when I know I have to go - jump into the rivers of change, even if I don’t know exactly what it is about or how to do it. As long as I take that first step, and then the next step, and the next…
To keep going while remaining open to what comes forth, meeting me wherever I’m at, showing me windows of possibilities where I might want to go and give things a try. It is through this experiential exploring that I discover what I want and don’t want for myself and my life, what I like and dislike as a human being in this world.
Bit by bit. Moment to moment. Experience through experience.
By learning what I don’t like, don’t want, won’t stand for - through interacting and engaging with life via people, places, or things - it distills and clarifies what it is that I do like, what I do want, and what I do stand for.
Like a curator of the art of living. The Art of Being.
This is what I know and understand about myself. Time and time again. But it’s also somehow what I often forget about myself: that to figure out what I want in specific areas of life, I have to engage with things I don’t clearly know, so I can get to know what I like or don’t like, want or don’t want, to be or not to be.
And so, I have to remember for myself: if I don’t know what to do, where to go, or what I want, simply take the first step that’s right in front of me - and the next will always appear soon enough.
Credit: Ghost Boy by Evan Luza via GIPHY
🌸 Jan 5, 2026
Full Moon Blooms in Cancer (where my natal Sun, Venus, and South Node reside): What/how am I feeling right now - and what is it showing me?
“Body feels tingling; the beginning emergence of restlessness, itching and ready to go! Go where? Somewhere! We’ve done so much writing (by pen and paper) and not sharing the bits of it that want to go out into the world... It’s like last week was our germination phase and now it wants to push through the seed casing and SPROUT. Whatever IT is.
Mind wants to take things slow and be detail-oriented, making sure we’ve gotten our bearings calibrated, covered all our bases, and packed our essentials properly before we move forward pedal-to-the-metal go time.”
This clash between my Mind and Body sure is one to unpack, now as I get older and wiser with multiple past experiences of writing and posting in the public Web. No matter how much fun I had, no matter how seriously I took it, without clear intentions supported with structure, and the discipline of tending to the act of writing (like any self-care routine or self-love ritual), my past ventures weren’t enough to sustain by themselves.
Yet, time after time, something within me wants to write - and in public again.
This time, with a more mature, diligent approach: what if we actually commit to a routine, build the habit, and stick to it by showing up every single day for at least 10 intentional minutes of moving my hand and connecting pen to paper for the whole year, no matter what?
That led me to reviewing what didn’t work for me in the past, so I can set the stage comfortably to support and enable myself to sit down with my anything-goes $5 notebook (coincidentally, the cover has the Bear logo too!), paired with my trusty favourite Pilot G2 0.7 black pen, and simply write.
The single most prominent challenge I could immediately implement iterations on was the mental friction of: “What exactly can I write about when I don’t have any inspiration?”
Just before deleting Instagram off my devices for an indefinite hiatus, I felt an inner pull towards Domestika’s recurring ad on my feed (this is not an ad, just context). At the very end of my 30-day promo free trial, I had one free credit I could use to purchase a course for lifetime access. I was already happy with the quality of the floral design courses I’d bought at the start of my trial, so when I saw a specific course on writing exercises, I trusted my gut and exchanged my credit for lifetime access.
Throughout this 12-hour course - with genuinely fun writing exercises that broadened my views - instructor Aniko Villalba constantly emphasised her philosophy about writing:
Writing is a practice. The desire to write comes from writing; the act of moving your pen to paper and letting all the words come out as they are. It’s not about making sense of the words, or having the perfect lines of text. Not everything has to be published. Not everything will need to be edited nor revealed. The important thing is that you had the experience of writing that text, and what matters is that the text exists.
That really changed my perspective on writing. And that’s what I’ve been focusing on since: to handwrite* everything first.
To let these words-as-seeds from my inner landscape be transplanted into the material world, and to let them be however and whatever they want to be. Honest and true to their pure essence. And at the very least for my eyes only, as mirrors of my essence - conscious, subconscious, unconscious.
Sometimes, these words-as-seeds seem to have a special quality to them, appearing from time to time in my life for me to receive, protect, and cultivate in private. If it wants to further grow - outgrowing the boundaries of my private space - then I must not attempt to tame it. I must do everything I can to let it take its own form, as it was meant to become.
(* As someone who grew up with unrestricted access to the early Internet, a lot of my self-expression was done through typing and interfacing within the Digital Web. So writing things by hand was always more of an “if I have to” thing e.g. doing homework for traditional schooling.)
Credit: GIPHY
As I edit this piece during the rewrite (sprouting) stage, I’m only two weeks into my daily practice. There have been sneaky micro moments where my Mind tries to creep forward with: “What is this all for, at the end of the day?”
Here’s how I can best describe it:
It’s a usual day with your usual routine of going along the street you use every day. But out of nowhere, a stray animal appears right in front of you, blocking your path. In that instant moment you lock eyes with them, you just know you have to bring them home with you. To care for and tend to them.
And no, it wasn’t you who decided to adopt them simply by taking them in.
It was them who adopted you - because they chose to appear in front of you one fine day out of the blue.
So now you’re quite-suddenly a brand new steward of this animal, and you begin educating yourself on your new responsibilities to give them the best life you can. And in the rabbit holes of learning how to care for them, you quickly realise how very grateful and blessed you are - for the fated meeting, and for not ignoring what you felt in that instant moment.
That’s what my relationship with writing feels like.
I've had past experiences of writing in public. This is my Nth lifetime in this same relationship, in this similar situation.
Only this time, I am now meeting myself deeper by letting the words come out true to its authentic expression. I catch myself whenever a part of me managed to bypass, self-censor, or choose a different 'nicely-padded' word that doesn't land as it needed to.
And this time, I don’t feel the need to share about it (writing and the practice of writing) with others in my life as it’s still forming. In some ways, I want to prevent cracks - projections (both others and mine) - until it fully materialises, ready to meet the world on its own. As Aniko Villalba said on publishing: “How others receive our words are entirely out of our control.”
Even if I wanted to share this endeavour with my closest, trusted ones - my bestie and my spiritual healer, the two kindred souls I’m in regular contact with in this season of my life - I simply can’t. Even though I feel I want to during our catch up calls, the words won’t even form in my mind to be vocalised through my mouth.
I have to admit there is this push/pull-hot/cold-tension between wanting to put myself out there (here) with some of these writings, and other times wanting to keep them private. After all, why do I have/want to publicly share everything that is being expressed through me into refined Form?
But…
Maybe the thing to do in this season of my life is to simply hit “Publish/Post” - let the text go do its thing, be what it’s meant to be.
Maybe this is a full-circle moment I’m being led back to: expressing what wants to be expressed, saying what needs to be said. To stop holding myself back by staying quiet to keep the past present, when the old no longer works.
I know there are aspects in my astrology chart that I can pinpoint these illuminations (Full Moon Blooms) to. But at the end of the day, it is up to me to think for myself, tune in deeper into my Being, and truly meet myself face to face, human and spirit:
“What/how am I feeling right now? What is it showing me - about myself and/or my life?”
And I know that all adds up to something far greater than I will ever know.
Gardening Notes
Total writing time: 14 hours 15 minutes
Cultivation period: 2 Dec 2025 - 13 Jan 2026 (43 days)
Resonance/Vitality: 89~95%
Moon Cycles: Full Moon in Gemini (Dec 2025) and Cancer (Jan 2026)